Always
by animetomboy2
Summary: Max had a tough choice to make, Arcadia Bay or Chloe Price. And in the end, she chose Arcadia Bay; well at least in this story she did. Find out what happens to Max after she allows her best friend to die for the sake of saving their home, and what she discovers along the path of healing. If she ever will... Sound interesting? Take a peek! It's good, I promise. Some Max x Chloe.
1. Journal 1: Chloe's Dead

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Life is Strange, everything belongs to SquareEnix and DontNod game developers.

OCTOBER 9th, 2013 - 11:59 PM

Dear Diary,

Forgive me for not writing for the longest time. I just haven't had the energy to pick up a pen to write this week, a lot has been going on. For everyone in Arcadia Bay.

2 days ago, October 7th, 2013, my best friend died. She was shot in the bathroom like the first time I ever wrote about my reversing time powers. The previous journal explains everything, if only Mr. Jefferson didn't burn it.

Anyway - everything right now is so damn dark and depressing. I'm still having a hard time accepting it. Hell, I can barely write this journal entry without my hands shaking and feeling like my eyes are going to start watering again.

My parents asked me if I wanted to come home for a while and talk about it, to heal.

I told them no.

I had to be here for David Madsen and Joyce, of course. They were going to need a friend around, especially now. I had to be here for Chloe, because even if she's onto her next big move already wherever she is right now, she would want me to be here.

Gosh. This is just like what happened when Kate slipped through my fingers. I couldn't stop seeing her face in my mind, her feet step forward off the roof's edge. Never ending nightmares. Except this time, I keep seeing Chloe's necklace fall in slow motion, her body slowly fades into view. The time she was shot by Jefferson.

I see her being hit by that train, I saved her from so long ago now it seems like a thousand years. I see her everywhere I go, and I have to remember she's not there.

No Max, she's not there.

She's not there anymore, I have to keep telling myself.

I have to go for now journal, maybe I'll write again soon. But water doesn't mix good with paper.

Till next time,

-Max


	2. Journal 2: Hardship

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Life is Strange, everything belongs to SquareEnix and DontNod game developers.

OCTOBER 25th, 2013 - 8:01 AM

Dear Diary,

It's been a couple weeks since my last entry. Time has passed for everyone else, but it doesn't feel that way for me. I am so caught up in my head in that one moment, where I watched my best friend die - listened to her die.

I can't go to bathroom here anymore, it just hurts too much. So I hold everything till I get back to my dorm and then go there.

Sometimes I check my phone in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, thinking that suddenly a text is going to come in - or 5. Chloe was always good at that. Sending 5 different texts for her 5 different thoughts.

Oh Chloe **…**

I wish I wasn't such an ass and I kept in contact with you. I wish I didn't suck at friendships so much. I don't blame you for thinking bad of me - even when you told me I was your hero in that other timeline - you won't remember it, any of it. And though I don't care what hurts and what doesn't anymore, the last thing you had to hear before you died was Nathan's stupid-ass voice cursing you out about some shit that doesn't matter.

I can still hear his obnoxious voice ringing in my ears - "Nobody would ever even miss your punk ass would they?"

For you, that must have been the truth, I'm thinking. But it's not the truth.

I'm right here Chloe, too little, too late. Heartbroken and alone, but I'm right here.

It's just too bad you can't see that - couldn't see that while you were still **…**

Talk about school Max, talk about school. School is school, it's the same ol' boring shit I thought was going to be exciting when I first came here. The only difference is until we get a new photography teacher to fill the place Mr. Jefferson left open, we don't have a photography class. Bummer, the one thing I'm sorta okay at.

Here is the part where my best friend would say: "Your photos don't suck, Max. You're an artist, they're hella amazeballs."

And I would believe her.

Until next time journal. If I feel like picking up a pen again.

-Max


	3. Journal 3: Dear Chloe

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Life is Strange, all things belong to SquareEnix and DontNod game developers.

NOVEMBER 1st, 2013 - 12:57 AM

Dear Chloe,

This is me writing to you. I'm not good at these sorts of things, so I hope you'll be okay with that.

Um **…**

How are you? How's **…** your secret lair? I bet you're having a blast playing around in it. And I bet it's a junkyard just like the one you left behind here.

Sometimes I go there, imagining all the places we could take pictures together. Sometimes I pick up bottles and place them on the wooden plank you did, taking aim with my finger gun. Those bottles better watch out for me **…** right?

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I miss you, so you should come visit me sometime. That's weird coming from me I know -

"You didn't write or text me once in five years, when you moved away, when I needed you. You didn't even come to visit me."

How many times you'd repeat that to me - every chance you got.

You never let me forget it - so I haven't forgotten. It just takes me a while to do anything really. I'm such a slowpoke. But, come visit me, I'd love to have you.

I'd love to share with you the bullshit going on at Blackwell and go for a midnight swim with you again.

Just think about it, okay? I know you're a busy person.

But get this Chloe, Nathan and Mr. Jefferson both got arrested. The police finally found Rachel's body after a long investigation - okay I may have had something to do with that behind the scenes - but they immediately came to Blackwell and confronted Nathan and Jefferson. Both of them are going to rot in jail for the rest of their lives although I doubt Nathan's father will stand for that. He'll probably bail him out.

But Chloe, you got your justice. Rachel, got her justice. Isn't that such good news?

…This is the part where you would say: "Max you're such a badass! Marry me, right now."

And I'd have to say that I couldn't in this state. Not yet.

"Fuck that, let's elope."

I'm down, don't know how my parents would feel about that though.

Wowser, it's late.

"What's that? The world's lamest catchphrase?"

Yes Chloe, it is. But it's my lame catchphrase, and I know you secretly loved it. I know you secretly loved a lot of things you never got to see and now you never will.

I wish I could jump back sometimes and explain it all to you, show it all to you before you left me. But my powers have limits - I have **…** limits.

Sometimes I think it should have been me behind that gun in the bathroom.

Maybe then you'd be safe.

*sigh*. You're not so super after all Max. All you are is an Everyday Zero, you can't spare anyone any pain. You leave death and destruction in your wake, and I guess it's finally caught up to me.

Well, Chloe, it's already almost 1 am and I'm exhausted and my eyes are stinging.

So I'm sorry, but I have to go. But, talk soon.

"Goodnight, SuperMax, see you tomorrow."

Goodnight Chloe, see you tomorrow. :)

"NO EMOJI."

Of course.

Sincerely, your hella best friend,

-Max


	4. November 10th, 2013

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Life is Strange, all properties belong to SquareEnix and DontNod game developers.

NOVEMBER 10th, 2013

Today was the first day I woke up and even felt, remotely, ready for school. All this time, classes had been going on and I had been going to them; but, more like a zombie.

I know Chloe had died a while ago now and everyone seemed to be returning to their normal lives, but, I couldn't let go of it that quick.

She was my best friend. She was more than that, she was my fellow pirate, and I don't know anyone who could forget such a cool, badass pirate such as her that fast. No, what I think is that everyone is hiding something, that they've all gone back to what they normally do to distract themselves from the pain so that they don't have to do sadness. They want to go back to their normal lives, but it isn't that easy, for any of us.

It was the same everyday. I would get up and walk like a zombie to the showers, let thoughts take over my brain for a bit and then head back to my room to get dressed for the day. Kate told me that she noticed I wear a lot of black now, ever since Chloe died; I hadn't really noticed myself, but I guess I do own a lot of black. Chloe would have been thrilled about that and probably say something about being a ninja or that we have to go raving or something silly like that.

I can't think about it, it still hurts, a lot. After I get dressed, I walk myself to class again like some kind of zombie lord and after class I come back to my room just to sit in bed and do nothing. There are some days I come back in and feel tired and so I sleep. I sleep and don't worry about anything, not my homework, not answering the many emails I have from my teachers about that homework, just sleep. And then there are days where I can't fall asleep, so I just lay there cuddling the teddy bear I had when I was a kid, you know the one where I swallowed his eye? Yes, that one I lay with and sigh probably a thousand times over, and just stare at a wall or something.

It's totally lame and so melodramatic, but, whatever - it's the only thing I find I can do other than look at old pictures and try not to cry like a loser. I couldn't even look at my camera without getting all heartach-y, so you guessed it, I haven't taken pictures in a really long time. My heart for art has dulled quite a lot.

Sometimes I get calls from my parents asking if I'm okay and one time I did consider coming home. I did consider that I needed them and time to heal on my own before I could do any kind of schooling again, but I came here on a scholarship and I wasn't going to have that die on me too just because of a death. Chloe means a lot more than that stupid scholarship, but I'm also not sure that my parents would help me right now. I think I just need to be on my own for a while.

No, I need Chloe. I need her, but **…** I can't have her. I used to be able to close my eyes and see her face, and I can't even do that anymore. I used to be able to hear her voice faintly calling out to me, and now I've found I'm forgetting what it sounds like.

And yet though a month has passed, and I said I would never forget her, I can feel myself forgetting what her touch feels like, what it's like to be held and hugged by Chloe Price, my best friend in the whole world.

Am I a bad person?

Today, November 10th, was no different than any other day that had been leading up till now. Today was just as bad and as empty as the other days, but today, something new happened for the first time to break me out of my routine. Something different happened that I couldn't explain or really understand why it was suddenly happening, but that it was happening - and secretly, perhaps, this something that was happening was my ticket to discovering that I could be okay without Chloe.

Today November 10th, I was sitting by my window in my dorm as the sun was setting. Classes had ended a while ago and everyone on campus was either going out to eat now or just getting back from the cafeteria with their dinner to eat in their rooms. I felt my stomach rumble a bit but to me it was a faint sound that I didn't mind ignoring. Of course I ate, but only bits and pieces here and there where I felt if I didn't eat anything I would surely throw up or pass out.

It had taken me a whole month to even get myself back up to eating again, and this day was just one of those days where I'd rather look out a window and try to come up with words to write on the pages to my journal than eat or drink anything. I bet if Chloe were around she would be texting me nonstop to get something to eat with her at the Two Whales, because she's starving and has a craving for some good food. I should go visit Joyce and see how she's doing again, but I don't think I have the energy for that. So I'll just sit right here and admire the golden hour without my camera.

I can see it with the lenses of my eyes, and yes I did just make a photography joke. Oh Chloe **…** how I miss you.

"I wish I could speak to you one more time, and tell you how miserable life is without you." I spoke out loud, the sound of my own voice becoming alien to me. It sounded weird to even hear myself say those few words in a sentence. But I mean really how awesome would that be to have a spiritual connection with Chloe? I would literally have a friend on the other side.

Like, in those movies where the person is visited by their spirit guide watching over them, or in their dreams, which is how they revisit their memories. Or even through one single touch the main character gets the power to hear and communicate with and see spirits.

I do have a power. But it's not useful. Well it's not useful anymore. The only reason I'd ever use it was to save you, and now that you don't need saving anymore, I don't have a purpose for my powers. I am not the Blackwell Ninja anymore. I'm not MaxGuyver, or any of the rad but silly nicknames Chloe came up with for me. I don't have mad power, all I am just is Max. Which is kind of ironic, when I think about it. That's all I ever wanted to be, some ordinary photography student coming here to study exactly that. Instead I got into drama central with just a little bit of photography on the side, and these rewind powers that reverse time. And now that you're gone, I wish I could do it all over. Truth is, I would brave a thousand tornados a thousand times over if it meant I'd get to hear you say my name again **…**

'Max **…** ' I thought I heard faintly again. My eyes snapped open as they had been beginning to shut. I looked around but I couldn't see anything. No doubt it was just my mind playing tricks on me again. My heart was beating so rapidly, and then immediately it began to slow down. I was honestly surprised it hadn't quit on me yet with all the shit it's been put through.

"Oh it was just the wind I guess." I said out loud. That's when, as the sunlight in the background became a beautiful gradient of mixed pinks and golden oranges and yellows and blues, did I see something flutter in through my open window and land on the windowsill. I was sitting right next to it.

My lenses may have clouded up and I may not have been able to see the world very clearly for a while now, but I do know one thing for sure; the thing that flew in my window I wasn't hallucinating, and I wasn't dreaming. Before me, was a blue butterfly, sitting on my windowsill and fluttering its wings without any intention of leaving or flinching. It seemed to be looking at me.

And I wish I could have stayed in this moment forever. But going back to my original thought; then it wouldn't be a moment, would it?

Maybe I was just making things up here, lame theories and things that people make up to cope with whatever they're going through; and I totally didn't want to be one of those people who 'saw Chloe in everything and everyone', but this blue butterfly couldn't help reminding me of her, almost like a symbol of her, and this might be strange but I felt like I could talk to it. And maybe that's what I needed to do: Talk.


	5. November 15th, 2013

DISCLAIMER: Life is Strange belongs to DontNod and SquareEnix and I reserve no rights to their masterpiece aside from this idea I had. All rights reserved to those companies, please enjoy.

NOVEMBER 15th, 2013

I had failed to go to class the rest of this week. It didn't feel like a week I was ready for at all. The weather was really starting to change and become colder, the light in during the day was starting to get smaller and smaller as the seasons were changing. Winter was coming and I could already feel the first snow setting in; inside me.

It was currently 3 PM, a time when school was being let out, and all the clubs were beginning. A time when everyone was outside usually during the warmer months playing around the main entrance to Blackwell. The skaters were performing tricks up and down the railings. Many other students would sit outside and have picnics, but all of that was changing now that all the trees were bare, the leaves were on the ground and the wind was unforgivable. It was cold.

I saw some outside bundled up with scarves and some clutching hot chocolate and coffee as though it was their only source of warmth. I just couldn't do it today. I felt weak, so I stayed in bed pretty in my PJ's watching really cringy anime from the 1990's on my laptop. It was a distraction, it was something to do to keep my mind busy and maybe off of Chloe for once.

Yeah right **…** like that could ever happen. She was my number one concern in this world. She was the only thing I really cared about in that immediate moment, and now that that moment is gone, I feel lost. She was the thing that guided me.

No actually whenever I was with her she only made me more lost.

But that's okay because I wouldn't mind being lost with her. Laying on train tracks. Hanging around the junk yard. Making bad decisions with you any day sounds like something I would give anything to do again.

Suddenly I heard a light knock on my door.

"Max?" Came a male voice. I knew it was Warren. "Can I come in? I have some hot chocolate here from the cafeteria, I figured you could use it to warm up." He said through the door.

Ah, Warren. Always such a good friend. Slowly I paused the anime that was playing on computer and got up to answer the door. My hair was messy, I had looked like I wasn't getting much rest, and if I was, I wasn't getting good rest. I only opened the door for him, moving back to sit on my bed. At this point I didn't have much energy to do anything else, and I was just lucky that hadn't gotten sick yet.

I know I should take better care of myself. But then again, I guess I don't want to. Warren shut the door behind him and took a seat next to me.

"So uh, I got some extra notes in science today for you. It's pretty easy stuff, I can help you with it **…** when you're feeling up to it." He offered, placing the cup of hot chocolate for me on my nightstand and searching his bag for his notebook. He handed it to me. I took one look at it and set it down on the bed. I just really wasn't interested in seeing much else unless it was a way to get Chloe back.

And I knew there was no way to get her back. A lot of people wanted me to move on already and I know if Chloe were here she would want me to live my life too - but I just can't. It's like watching the images you created and really cherished burn right in front of you, and you have the water or extinguisher or whatever to put it out, but you don't. Instead you just stand by and do nothing while everything you built dies. Instead you just do nothing as your best friend leaves this world forever.

Why was I ever given the power to do this? The power to change lives if the only one that matters to me is no longer able to be?

"That's fine, I'll just leave it here with you. No rush. It's Friday, so." Warren rubbed the back of his head with his free hand. "So **…** how have you been, Max?" His eyes seemed so sad. He didn't know what to say, but he wanted to be there. And I appreciate that.

"The same." I told him simply. "Some days I feel like I can do, and some days I feel like I can't do shit. And even when I can find the energy to get out of my bed, I feel like I'm lost. I feel like there's a frame but it's missing the things that make it a picture. I feel like a camera without film." I told him descriptively. I couldn't talk to him, just answer his questions. That's all I could do. I looked over at the hot chocolate and slowly picked it up wrapping my hands around it. It was warm. "Thanks for the hot chocolate." I thanked him, taking a sip.

"Yeah uh, no problem." He smiled. "Look Max, I'm still very sorry about Chloe. I want to be there for you but I'm really not good with these things. I wouldn't know what to say. Just know that I'm really worried about you. We all are and we want you to be okay soon. We're here if you need anything." He said kindly. I nodded. I don't think he was expecting a grand gesture of my gratitude after all.

"Well, uh I was planning on talking to you a little more, but I think the hot chocolate and science notes give you plenty to do. And whatever else you're doing, I'll uh leave you to it. Just know that if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask, okay?" He stood up, picking up his backpack and leaving my room. I smiled softly at him, only a bit. It was the only thing I could muster right now when I didn't feel like smiling.

"Thank you Warren. You're a good friend." I said to him as my door shut and now I was all alone again. Just as I was about to un-pause my anime on my laptop and watch some more, I noticed something fluttering in my window. I set my hot chocolate down and stood up, allowing the blankets to fall where they may.

In the window again was another blue butterfly. It didn't look like it had any intention of leaving; was it the same one that visited me the other day? I sat down at my desk and contemplated opening the window; but then it would be cold in here.

"Hold on little butterfly." I told it.

I went off into my room to find the small space heater I knew I had buried somewhere under a mountain of my stuff. I managed to find it, plug it in and turn it on pretty high. I didn't care if it was going to be slightly cold in here, I needed to see what this butterfly was all about.

Because now I was sure, this was the same butterfly. And what are the odds that it visits me twice in one week? I walked over to the window and opened it. Without another moment the blue butterfly flew in and I closed the window behind it. The butterfly chose to circle around and land right on my shoulder, fluttering its wings there. It seemed comfortable. It seemed unafraid of me. It seemed like it knew me, and I felt **…** somewhere deep down, like I knew it.

"Hey there little butterfly. You're all warm now." I told it gently. It fluttered its wings again. What was it trying to tell me? "You'd better not poop on me." I suggested next. The butterfly flew off my shoulder and instead landed on the back of my hand, fluttering its wings again quite a few times.

"Don't take this the wrong way if you're a boy but **…** you remind me so much of my friend Chloe." I was able to smile as it started to crawl along my fingers and around my arm. "She had bright blue hair and it was hella awesome. So badass and punk rock. And in a lot of ways she was a lot like you." I told it gently, which made it stop and flutter its wings again. I supposed it was listening to me.

I was talking to a butterfly, how crazy and out of it must you be, Max? Then again, this was the first time I was talking at all, who cares if it was to a butterfly? If it would eventually help me heal, then it shouldn't matter. Besides this butterfly was a cute, friendly little butterfly that seemed to really like me; so talk away Max, talk away. As long as it was willing to listen, talk away.

"She was tougher than she looked. Really tough. But I knew beyond that whole tough act she put on she was really **…** nice. She was my best friend for a reason, you know **…** " I trailed. "She was very special to me. There was no one else like her." The butterfly fluttered its wings again.

"And I'm sure you know what that's like. Most of your kind has found somewhere warm to live by this time of season. You must be the only butterfly I still see around here **…** " I trailed. Why was that? I was no expert in migration, you'd have to ask Warren for that; but this butterfly was staying in Arcadia Bay in a time where it could freeze to death. I suppose we all stay in places that are closely related to death in some way just to help us cope with the loss of something important, something we loved. Maybe that's the only reason why I have stayed here and not been able to pick my ass up and go to class.

Maybe.

"We used to see butterflies all the time whenever we went on adventures." I told it gently, watching it walk along my arms. "How we reunited was actually partially because of a mental breakdown I was having and also because of a small blue butterfly in the girl's bathroom. I took a picture of it and soon after that came the most interesting week I had ever lived ever." I remembered it like it was yesterday. And I think I always will. "So I can't help being all mopey and seeing her in everything and everyone, I don't wanna be that lame. But you just **…** remind me so much of her. It's almost like I can sense her here with me." I looked down and closed my eyes, resisting the urge to cry.

I wasn't going to cry over a bug. Or the memories the bug gave to me. But then something strange happened. The butterfly flew up and stood on my nose. I opened my eyes, filled with water in surprise to watch it flutter its wings. It was so close to me, usually I would have freaked out. But this butterfly was being so gentle, I felt no reason to swat it away. It loved me for whatever reason, so maybe I should let it. I felt its wings flutter again as it turned and gently wiped away a stray tear that fell, turning back around to face me again.

Its eyes looked sad for me. It looked like its heart was breaking hearing all of this coming from me. It wanted me to smile and be happy. It wanted me to cheer up. And call me delusional or crazy or whatever from being so goddamn depressed all this time, but it was almost like this butterfly could understand me.

Well Max, you've made a new friend. Best let this friend help you, because right now, it seems like the only one who can.

I'm going to let it stay with me. Who knows? Maybe talking to this random bug will help me find something - whatever that something is that I feel is lost. Whatever that something is, that this butterfly is in search of. Maybe I will return to being a camera with film soon.

"You need a name." I said to it gently. "Flap once if you're a boy, twice if you're a girl." The butterfly first flew to my leg and sat there gently, flapping its wings twice after it landed. "Alright then." I thought for a moment and with a sad smile on my face and a lump in my throat, I said: "How about Chloe?"


End file.
